Forget Me
by Bulletproof Bolly
Summary: Everyone in The Railway Arms is happy and relaxed- with one exception. Alex Drake misses Gene, though she hopes he's moved on from her and is successfully helping other souls. However, Bolly is all but forgotten.
1. Prologue: Already Gone

_Hello again! After the end of Series 3, I've read loads of great fanfictions, and decided to write a full-length one set after the end of Ashes myself. I've got a rough idea where this is going, but I've got loads of little ideas which might or might not get developed- so please let me know what you think of the prologue so I can get the plot down in more detail.  
For obvious reasons, this chapter's quite angsty. It's a songfic to 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson, from Alex's point of view shortly after entering The Railway Arms. Hope you like it!_

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**Prologue: Already Gone**

I never thought it would be like this here. I expected it to be nothing more than a pub- albeit one I was stuck in, but it's more- much more. There's a whole world here- a whole city, possibly more. It's just like the world I left; only without you. I'm not sure what era it's supposed to be; it's like every period in time's been thrown in. There are TV shows, films, songs, cars and everything from every time- the song I'm listening to right now's from my time- I remember Molly being really excited about the CD coming out, and I heard her playing it to me sometimes when I was in your world. It reminds me so much of you.

**_Remember all the things we wanted?  
_**Remember how we wanted to overthrow corruption, to solve every case that was thrown at us?  
**_Now all our memories they're haunted,_**  
**_We were always meant to say goodbye._**  
I knew it. I kept hoping, but deep down I've always known that, one way or another, we'd have to part.

**_Even with our fists held high,_**  
**_It never would've worked out right,_**  
**_We were never meant for do or die_**  
We fought so hard, but it never would've worked. It wasn't your fault, Gene, I promise. We fought as hard as we could- it was nothing to do with us not trying- it wasn't meant to work. The stakes were just to high. Everything we did, everything we said, had the potential to destroy people's souls- in some cases, they did, but it wasn't your fault.

**_I didn't want us to burn out,  
_**We were so alive. We didn't always get on perfectly, but we were unbreakable. I didn't want it to end- I still wish it wasn't over, but I can't do anything about it.  
**_I didn't come here to hurt you,  
Now I can't stop.  
_**I didn't come here because I wanted to leave you- and I didn't come to your world to make your job harder. I needed you, and you needed to help me- and you did, but I still need you here. You told me to come into The Railway Arms, and I knew I had to- I knew you couldn't do your job with me there, so I came. I didn't do it to leave you, Gene, I did it because I had to.

**_I want you to know  
That it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road,  
Someone's got to go.  
_**Whatever happens, I know you couldn't carry on with me there, Gene. It wasn't your fault- you need me to be here.**_  
And I want you to know,  
You couldn't have loved me better,  
_**I can't count the number of times you carried me up to my flat after an evening at Luigi's- or the number of times you rescued me. You did your job perfectly, and in the midst of it all I fell in love with you. You couldn't have done anything more for me.**_  
But I want you to move on,  
So I'm already gone.  
_**I know you've got to move on, I know you've got to keep going. I want to make it easier for you- after everything you did for me, it's the least I can do.

**_Looking at you makes it harder,  
But I know that you'll find another,  
Who doesn't always make you want to cry.  
_**I know that right now you've probably got a new DI, a new team, waiting for you to help them; and I know they're all much better for you than I ever was. I know they'll probably make your life much easier than I ever did, and I'm glad.  
**_Starting with a perfect kiss then  
We could feel the poison set in,  
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.  
_**The second you kissed me, I knew it was over. I was sure- I could taste it. The second your lips touched mine, I knew it was a goodbye kiss.

**_You know that I love you so, I,  
I love you enough to let you go.  
_**I hope you know what you mean to me, Gene. Ifd I didn't love you as much as I do, I would have stayed. I would have done the selfish thing and stayed by your side forever- but I you can't do what you created your world to do with me there, so I'm letting you go. I hope you let go of me too- you need to, because, however much I need you, I know you don't need me.**_  
_****_  
I want you to know  
That it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road,  
Someone's got to go.  
And I wand you to know,  
You couldn't have loved me better,  
But I want you to move on,  
So I'm already gone.  
_**I hope you know I'm not being selfish- I hope you know that I'm only here because I still love you.

**_I'm already gone, already gone_**  
**_You can't make it feel right,  
When you know that it's wrong,  
_**I know it would've felt wrong if I'd stayed. I know I would've felt like an intruder, and I know that this is where I'm meant to be, no matter how awful it feels right now. It feels wrong here, but I know it's right in the end.  
**_I'm already gone, already gone_**  
**_There's no moving on so I'm already gone.  
Already gone, already gone, already gone._**

**_Remember all the things we wanted?  
Now all our memories they're haunted,  
We were always meant to say goodbye.  
_**I miss you, Gene, but this is what was always ment to happen. You, of all people, should know that.

_**I want you to know**_  
_**That it doesn't matter**_  
_**Where we take this road,**_  
_**Someone's got to go.**_  
_**And I wand you to know,**_  
_**You couldn't have loved me better,**_  
_**But I want you to move on,**_  
_**So I'm already gone.  
****I'm already gone, already gone**_  
_**You can't make it feel right,  
When you know that it's wrong**_  
**_I'm already gone, already gone_  
**_**There's no moving on so I'm already gone.  
**_I never thought I'd say this, but I want you to forget me, Gene. I want you to forget all about me- as if I never existed. I spent half my time in your world thinking you were nothing more than an imaginary construct; how hard can it be? Just forget all about me and move on, Guv. I'll never forget about you, but I don't have a job to do. I just need to sit here and wait for you to join me, even though by the time that happens, I hope you've forgotten.


	2. Hell Of A Paradise

_Hello again! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed 'Already Gone', and special thanks to my new beta reader, Holly (happyeverafter72)- who's also written some wonderful Ashes fics, check them out!  
Anyway- this is set in The Railway Arms about two weeks after Alex and the others first entered the pub; please let me know what you think of it!  
xoxo Gee_

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**Hell Of A Paradise**

Alex Drake sat in a corner of The Railway Arms alone, wishing the wine bottle in front of her wasn't empty. Why did the wine have to run out? What kind of Heaven was it if you had to get up and get another bottle- it wasn't like they were going to run out of it any time soon; though, with the amount she was drinking, most pubs would be completely out of stock by now. That was the thing, though- The Railway Arms couldn't be compared to most pubs. Most pubs could be exited as well as entered- The Railway Arms couldn't. Alex Drake liked most pubs, but she hated it here. Gene Hunt was allowed in most pubs, but he wasn't here; which was why Alex loathed it. The problem was that she was the only one- even now, as she gazed absently at her surroundings, she was aware of the laughter and noisy chatter coming from all the other coppers Gene had helped. They were watching the 2010 World Cup and cheering loudly; they'd moved on just fine- why couldn't she?

As she contemplated possible answers to the question she'd been asking herself since she first got here, she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see a pair of blue eyes gazing down at her. For a split second, she thought they were Gene's, although she quickly realised they couldn't be- those eyes could never compare to the Guv's, but they still belonged to one of her dearest friends.  
"You okay?" Ray asked softly, although he already knew the answer- he knew she'd say yes, but make it quite clear that she meant no. This time, though, Alex decided to change her answer.  
"Not really." She replied, trying to sound light-hearted and failing miserably. DI Carling was shocked by her reply- it wasn't like it was particularly different to what he already knew, but he wasn't expecting her to be so honest about it.  
"Fancy coming to watch the footy?" He asked. He just wanted her to stop looking so bloody miserable- he didn't know how to deal with miserable people. Normally, it would be Shaz or Annie standing here, but Alex had screamed at the two young DCs earlier on that day for constantly badgering her.  
"Not really." Alex repeated, picking at the label on the wine bottle and waiting for Ray to go back to the match and leave her alone- although secretly she wanted him to stay with her for a few minutes; he wasn't Gene but he was better company than an empty chair.

As if he knew that Alex didn't really want him to go, Ray sat down in the chair next to hers, a stubborn look on his face which made it clear that he had no intention of leaving her alone any time soon. "Cheer up- look at this place, it's Paradise!" He sounded light-hearted and happy, but it was also pleading. He didn't want to see Alex like this; she was supposed to be happy here. She was supposed to be able to settle down, relax and enjoy it. However, Alex was in no mind to give in and at least pretend to like The Railway Arms. Alex gazed around the pub; it was exactly as Sam had described it in the tapes he'd made for her in 2007, though it hurt her to remember the tapes because of the memories they brought with them- memories of home, of a time and place where she knew exactly what was real, of her daughter.  
Even in the dim light, it was clear that all the wood was extremely well-polished, in a way that made it look almost unreal. The rest of the pub, however, was very ordinary-looking; there was a dart board, which always seemed to half at least half a dozen men standing around it, and it smelt just like any pub. Sweat, alcohol and tobacco- the smells Alex had grown to both hate and love during her time in Fenchurch East CID- but it didn't smell quite right. There was something essential missing, something that made the smell comforting and familiar. The sounds were the same- it was normally 70's music, although music from her time was available; whatever was playing, it was always accompanied by chatter and laughter, usually sports related; just like it had been in CID, but it sounded all wrong. There was always one essential element- whether it was a voice, a scent, or simply a presence, and she knew all too well what it was. Until that piece was added to the puzzle, The Railway Arms would be a fragment of Heaven, and Alex would be a shadow of a soul.  
"Empty wine bottles, cigarette smoke and football...hell of a Paradise." She replied with an indignant snort, which caused Ray to sigh sadly and look up at her, all traces of happiness gone.  
"Seriously, Alex, what's it going to take for you to realise that this is the best place for you to be?" He asked, silently praying that the answer would be different to the one he was expecting.  
"You know exactly what it's going to take." She replied coldly- and she was right, he did know. So did pretty much everyone else in The Railway Arms.

With a sigh, Ray reached for the empty bottle and got to his feet.  
"I'll get a refill."  
"Don't bother- I'm off to bed." Alex replied quickly, not even giving Ray time to walk to the bar. She then got up and made her way to the stairs at the back of the pub, wobbling slightly as she went. The second she looked as if she might fall, the pub went silent. Ray was at her side in an instant, although it looked like she hadn't noticed him or the sudden silence as she continued up the stairs, dozens of pairs of eyes following her, each one filled with pity.


	3. Scotch and Teabags

_Hello again! Thanks so much to everyone who read/reviewed 'Hell Of A Paradise', and a special thanks to Holly (Happyeverafter72), my beta reader, for being so amazing.  
This chapter's set at about the same time as 'Hell Of A Paradise', only it's set in CID- obviously it's about Gene. I hope you like it- please let me know what you think!  
xx Gee _

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**Scotch and Teabags**

DCI Gene Hunt sat in his office, picking at the label on the empty scotch bottle in front of him. How could it possibly be empty? He'd never run out of scotch before; mind you, his whisky supply hand't taken such a huge hit since Sam had moved on; and even then, Gene hadn't felt as lost as he did now. At least Sam had wanted to go- at least he'd had Annie; they'd been happy as they walked into The Railway Arms together, and that had been enough to comfort Gene. He'd still had Chris and Ray too, and that had really helped- although he regularly lost his patience with them, they helped him through that year more than he'd ever had the courage to admit; and then Alex had arrived. By that time, he'd long forgotten about his duty all over again; he'd forgotten that he'd have to let go of her too, and he'd been stupid enough to let himself grow close to her. Despite the fact that he'd found her extremely irritating from day one, he missed her on the days that she was too hungover to come in, and Luigi's never felt the same when she wasn't there, although he was always aware of her presence upstairs in her flat.

CID hadn't changed since Alex and the others had left, but it felt different...it felt wrong. Every time he walked past her desk, he felt a pang of guilt- how many times had he insulted her while she was sitting there? How many times had he told himself that, some day soon, he'd take it all back- tell her he didn't mean any of it, and that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him? And now she was gone; he'd never be able to set things straight. He knew she was gone forever- he knew it; but somehow he couldn't let go of the memories. Alex's desk remained completely untouched- just like it had been last time she was there. Of course, CID had been tidied since Keats had knocked all the desks over that last day, but Alex's desk remained exactly as it had been- with all her belongings on it,, '6-6-20' carved into the top, and her chair empty.

Chris, Ray and Shaz's desks were clean- free of any trace of them. He missed all three of them, but they were easier to let go of. Chris and Shaz had been like Sam and Annie; they were together, so they were happy. Ray was the same- he had Chris with him, and he'd soon make friends with other people in The Railway Arms. As long as he was in a pub with a couple of mates, Ray was happy. But Alex was alone- of course, she was good friends with Chris, Shaz and Ray, she seemed to know Sam quite well, and she'd soon befriend Annie, but she didn't have what she wanted. She didn't have her daughter, and she'd wanted to stay here with him. Why hadn't he let her? He should've done, although he knew all too well that it wouldn't have worked.

Gene shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose for several minutes before slowly opening them again and focusing on the desk opposite Alex's. If he did that, he could see a shadow in the corner of his eye, and for a split second he could actually convince himself that his beloved Bolly Kecks was sitting there. Of course he knew it couldn't possibly be her- for starters, it was much too quiet; Alex would almost definitely be rambling on about something or other. His new DI wasn't any different from that point of view; not that Gene paid as much attention to him as he had to Alex. What was the point, when all it would do is make him miss him more when he was gone?

Staggering under the effet of the alcohol, Gene got up and stumbled into the kitchen, searching through the cupboards for something drinkable- surely there had to be some alcohol left somewhere? After what felt like hours of swearing at the cupboards for being empty, DCI Hunt came to the conclusion that he was destined to die of thirst- despite the fact that he was already dead and that there was plenty of water and coffee around. Feeling even worse than before, he opened a cupboard he'd already searched at least three times in one last desperate attempt to find something to help him drink himself to oblivion- although once again, he found nothing but garibaldis, pink wafers and teabags. Only this time, there was something that intrigued him about the teabags, which were half hidden behind a biscuit tin. Pushing the tin out of the way, he grabbed the small box and squinted at it, concentrating on it as hard as he could until he recognised the familiar pattern. It wasn't what most of the old team used to call the 'real tea'- the stuff that everyone used to drink. It was herbal tea- nobody in CID would've been caught dead drinking it, except for one person; the one person Gene didn't want to be reminded of, but of whom he couldn't and wouldn't let go. It was what everyone called 'Drake's tea', because that's what it was; nobody else touched it, which was why it felt so precious to him.

Holding the box protectively to his chest, shielded by his arm, Gene stumbled back to his office, collapsing into his chair. He sat there for several minutes, running his hands over it and breathing in the rich scent which reminded him so much of Alex. How many times had he noticed that scent lingering on her breath when their faces were only inches away from eachother during some row or other? It was so familiar, but it felt wrong, incomplete. There was something essential missing, something Gene knew he couldn't live without; but at least now he had a bit of her, however small, and he'd never let it go.

He must've been there for hours, just savouring the memories and imagining that the reason he could smell the tea had nothing to do with the teabags, and everything to do with the fact that Alex was there beside him- despite the fact that he knew she wasn't, and never would be. Eventually, he drifted into unconsiousness, blurred images and memories drifting through his mind as he cradled all he had left of his beloved Bolly.


	4. Heart to Heart

_Hello- sorry it's taken me so long, but here it is, finally. Don't worry, this ISN'T the end, it will be continued (hopefully within the next year- I'm normally much quicker than this). Thanks so much for reading and reviewing the previous chapters, and thanks, as always,to my wonderful beta Holly (happyeverafter72).  
xxGee_

**Heart to Heart**

Ray watched as Alex stumbled up the stairs exactly like she had done last night, and the night before that, and every night since he'd tried talking her into enjoying this place. Most of the others had learnt to ignore it- Nelson said he'd seen people like that before, and that they'd come round in the end; but Ray didn't believe him. Why sould he? He wasn't a psychiatrist, or psycho-whateverist like Alex, but he could tell that she was broken. Sure, he'd seen her in pretty bad conditions before, but it had never been this bad. There had always been a flicker of hope in everything she did, which is why she'd fought so hard, but she didn't fight anymore. She didn't shout, she didn't disagree, she didn't argue; and it broke his heart to see her like this.

After several minutes of staring absently at the stairs, Ray turned to look at the main group of men playing darts while Shaz and Annie sat in a corner, chatting and occasionally laughing at Sam and Chris, who didn't seem to be doing very well. Alex would've got on so well with Annie; he could just picture her sitting there with the other girls, talking complete gibberish, laughing, perhaps even arguing with them a bit; just doing everything she used to do, being everything she used to be.

"Ray, it's your round, mate!" DI Carling looked up to see Chris and the other men staring at him expectantly. Couldn't they see that he wasn't in the mood for drinking? He knew it was strange- the great Raymondo had never said no to a pint, but this was different. This wasn't any pub- it wasn't the gorgeous, perfect haven it had been back in the day. It used to be an escape from everyday life, but now there was no everyday life to escape from- so what was the point?

Shaking his head at the others, and trying to look as light-hearted as possible, he replied.  
"Nah, I think the eggs I had at brekkie were funny; don't feel too well. Think I'll knock off." With that, he got up and walked up the stairs, knowing that everyone was staring at him just as they'd stared at Alex that first night. For once, though, he didn't care what people thought- he had far more important matters on his mind.

He didn't go to his room. Instead, he knocked softly on the door next to is. He wasn't expecting her to answer, so he was surprised when it opened and Alex peered out cautiously, opening it wider when she saw it was him.  
"Hello." Her voice sounded strange- she hadn't spoken to him (or anyone, for that matter) for days, so it was hoarse and uneven, barely louder than a whisper- but it was somewhat brighter than it had been last time he'd heard it. She was clearly surprised to see him, but also somewhat pleased, as if she'd been waiting for someone to come and talk to her.  
"Hi- are you busy?" This was the most awkward conversation he'd had in ages- he wasn't used to dealing with people in such terrible conditions. He wasn't used to dealing with people who meant this much to him.  
"What do you think?" For a moment, Ray could've sworn that he'd heard an echo of the old Alex. He could've sworn he saw a playful, flirtatious spark in her eyes, although he knew it wasn't possible...was it? He didn't know how to react; he was generally great with women, but this was different. What did he think? Surely she wasn't busy- but he was frightened of assuming that she wasn't and embarrassing himself.  
_For God's sake, Ray, stop being such a bloody wuss!  
_"I think lots of things." He replied, faking a smile- it was the worst chat-up line he'd ever used, if it even counted as a chat-up line, but he couldn't think of anything better. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he plucked up the courage to ask her. "Fancy a cuppa?" His voice was casual, and he noticed a flash of confusion in Alex's eyes- not that it surprised him. He knew how harsh he'd always been on her in the past, and it was only natural for her to be puzzled by such an offer. For a second, he thought she was going to shut the door and leave him standing there alone in the corridor, but she didn't. Instead, she stepped away from the door, opening it more to let him in.  
"Sure- I was just making myself one." Her voice was full of hope and gratitude; she'd been waiting for someone to come and talk to her, and she'd been starting to give up on that ever happening.

Ray stepped into the room, immediately noticing the television- a large flat-screen which was evidently from the late 2000s- opposite a sofa identical to the one in her old flat above Luigi's. The general style of the room was very similar to her old flat, though it was more feminine and several items appeared to be from Alex's time. The living area, which also contained a kitchenette, was separated from the living area by a half-wall, so Ray couldn't see the bed properly, although he caught a glimpse of a red duvet.

Alex walked over to the kitchen unit and handed Ray the mug of tea she'd just made before pouring herself another. It was the herbal tea she's always had in CID- for some reason, during that time in Limbo, she'd gone off the 2008 tea- or perhaps she just needed to hold on to the memories of CID she had left by keeping her after-life as close to her old routine as possible.

She walked over to the sofa and sat down, gesturing for Ray to do the same. Several minutes of awkward silence passed- Ray couldn't quite pluck up the courage to talk. He'd made a huge breakthrough by actually getting her to talk, he didn't want to ruin it now, so he waited for her to start the conversation. After another thirty seconds, Alex took a sip of tea before speaking.  
"How come you're not downstairs with the others? I thought there was a darts tournament on tonight." Her voice was different now- warmer, as if the tea had had some magical effect on her throat.  
"That was last week, Alex." Ray replied gently. He hadn't realised quite how absent Alex had been recently, although he forced himself to believe that it was a perfectly easy mistake to make, seeing as there were so many darts competitions on and they were often re-scheduled at the last minute.  
"Oh." As the simple syllable escaped Alex's lips, Ray suddenly realised that she looked much younger. It was strange- he'd been expecting her to look aged, thin and weak, but she didn't. Of course, she didn't look flawless either- it wasn't like, all of a sudden, she'd gone back to looking twenty; she looked like a little girl. The dim light made her eyes look darker and wider, and there was a strange look in them- not stressed, as he'd been expecting, or broken- just lost. Like a child who'd just been told that daddy wouldn't be coming home for reasons far too complicated for her to understand. It wasn't a sad look, she looked as if she was confused, and guilty for not understanding. Ray felt an unexpected pang of affection and protectiveness.  
"Annie and Shaz were asking about you. Maybe you should go down and have a drink with them?" He suggested casually. He hated seeing her so lost, so lonely; and right now she looked completely defenseless- however, the second he spoke, her expression changed. She looked annoyed, almost angry.  
"Maybe you should stop trying to tell me what to do?" She snapped back irritably.

Her reaction should have upset Ray, but it didn't. Instead, it made him extremely happy- there was still a spark in her, she was still the fiesty, impossible DI she always had been. At the same time, though, it made him realise how much he wanted her to be happy- how much he cared about her.  
"Look, Alex, I don't like it much here either; you've got to make an effort." It was true- he had no idea how he'd managed to stay here all this time without Chris and Shaz and all his other mates noticing how much he hated it. Alex nodded, smiling slightly- at least she wasn't the only one who hated the place. The problem was that she _had_ been making an effort- she'd tried so hard to make herself like the pub, but she couldn't. Everything she did reminded her of Gene- she couldn't forget him, no matter how hard she tried.

Ray gave Alex an encouraging smile- the kind he'd give to a young lost child, as that was exactly what she looked like right now, despite the fact that if they were to stand up, Alex would be taller than him. Carefully, as if he were touching a corpse, he reached forwards and stroked her shoulder gently.  
"Do you think you can do that for me? Do you think you can just try, tomorrow morning, to come downstairs with a smile on your face?" Alex nodded, avoiding his eyes. Ray leaned forwards, cupping her face in his hands and turning her to face him- and before either of them knew what was going on, their lips connected in a tender but passionate kiss.


	5. Lay Me Down

_I'm really sorry about the ridiculous amount of time this took me. If it's any excuse, I did get abandoned by my beta and was waiting for a reply for months and then finally just gave up; which, of course, means that this has not been beta read, but I think I'll probably keep it like that from now on to avoid making people wait this long again.  
Anyway, this is set a couple of weeks after the last chapter, and it's a songfic to 'Lay Me Down' by The Wreckers :) Hope you like it :) xx Bolly_

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**Lay Me Down**

Alex Drake woke up to find Ray Carling lying next to her, still fast asleep; just as she had done for the past two weeks. By now, they had a routine. She got out of bed and went for a shower every morning before he got up, and today was no different.

When she got out of the shower, Ray was still sleeping; in the past fortnight, she'd learned that, among other things, he was a very deep sleeper. Still dripping, she sat down on the bed, just looking at him, and turned the radio on; she knew by now that it wouldn't disturb him.  
As she sat there, she couldn't help but listen to the music that was playing. There was something about it that drew her in.

_**You let me in, cause after all,  
It seemed like the right thing to do.  
**_She finds herself thinking about Ray. It sounds like the song's directed at him. It sounds like it should be her singing; like it could be. _You let me in because I was broken_, she thinks, and she knows she's talking to Ray, even though he can't hear her. _It _was _the right thing to do.__**  
I closed my eyes, and let you fall,  
I wonder what you could possibly know  
About breaking down that I don't.  
**__I know everything about breaking down. _She does. She's a psychologist. She knows everything...or so she used to think. _With everything I know about breaking down, I still can't stop it from happening to me- you had to do it for me...you didn't seem to have a problem with it though. I think you needed it too.___It's been getting harder last night. Last night, he asked her a question; a question she couldn't bring herself to answer. _You want more than this. I know you do. Maybe you think this is more than it really is; either way, it'll never be more. It can't be. It's not what I need. I know what I need.__**  
So lay me down, I'm lonely, oh, oh,  
**__That's all I need. I don't want more; I can't give more.__**  
You don't understand me,  
And you never even tried to anyway.  
**__Now that we're closer, you seem to think you know what's going through my mind. You don't. You have no idea how I feel; up until now, you've never tried. I don't even think you're trying now; but I don't mind. Just carry on like this.____Who'd have thought it? Ray Carling, the misogynist who saw women as objects, suddenly telling _me _that there's more to our relationship than _this_? I still can't believe it.__**  
I'm sorry, it's something I just can't explain.  
**__I don't know how I feel myself.__**  
So shut your mouth, and hold me close;  
We both know, it's better than being alone,  
**__I've been alone for too long. When I'm with you, I'm not alone, and that's all that matters.__**  
I don't mind killin' time,  
As long as I can see it your eyes.  
**__I've been let down too many times. I can't let myself fall again; I can't let myself feel that much ever again.____Just lay me down again. It works like this. Why do you have to ask me questions? Why do you have to mess things up? Please don't do that. Please don't start trying to understand me now. Just lay me down.____I didn't ever really want you that much, if I'm perfectly honest. It's just that I need someone, and you're always there. Over the past two weeks, I've started to want you more and more. I'm not attracted to you, but I'm addicted, and I don't have a problem. I'm not going to fight it.__**  
Time after time  
You realize you don't mean it.  
**__You know this is what you want too. I can see it. I know you might want more, but this is _part_ of what you want- the only part I can give you right now. The other part belongs to someone else, although I hate to admit it- and you know who that is.___As a song reached an end, Alex saw Ray's eyelids flutter. Straight away, she turned around and switched the radio off. He opened his eyes and smiled, and she could see how he felt; she just didn't feel the same way, but she reached down and kissed him, and the cycle continued, just as the girls in the song wanted- just as Alex wanted.

It's been a while, since I begged for anything  
But now I want a moment,

I hear you say, "It's not the same",

So lay me down, I'm lonely, oh, oh-  
You don't understand me,  
And you never even tried.

If wanting you is wrong  
Then I'm wrong, I'll admit it,

Lay me down, I'm lonely  
Oh, oh  
You don't understand me  
And you never even tried  
I'm sorry, lay me down  
I'm lonely, lay me down  
You don't understand me  
And you never even tried to anyway.


End file.
